Platform Hipokrit

Statoil´s new platform Hipokrit, based offshore Lofoten is back in the spot light after a load of Baloney was once again thrown from its sides. A local spokesperson in Hastard was unavailable, again, seemingly endlessly unavailable until we sent a rather sarcastic email and received the following statement: “I am a sorry I have tried to get hold of the person responsible but they just wont return my calls”. We sent another email thanking them for there reply and received: I am out of the office until 28th November on another course. Luckily at the end of the day we were able to get hold of the superintendent of the Hipokrit, who said, he was on his off time, how about calling the rig direct. Which we did and received the following reply: I am out of the office until 28th November on another course. After this we gave up but spoke to a very nice person from Bellona, the body responsible for baloney casting from fixed instillation. There spoke person said: I can only tell you what I read in the local paper, but its true they have been throwing Baloney over the side of the rig again. She went on to say, actually this was not the first time she had read this in the local paper this year, and she recalled it was probable the third time baloney or potential baloney had been thrown from the side of the Hipokrit platform. She was sorry she could not give any more information as she was only temping from manpower.

A leaked report from Ballona about baloney casting has landed in our email box and it states clearly that Statoil had been told of the potential catastrophe that awaited them: Statoil replied: I am out of the office until 28th November on another course.

A local person who wishes to remain nameless said: We don´t need the oil industry in Lofoten, we have asylum seekers! Shortly after this he drove off in his 4x4 toyota! However the truth has been spoken as most communities in Lofoten when not selling dry fish generate capital by importing bewildered refugees.

Statoil HMS section was contacted again, and amazingly answered by saying: Sorry for the slow reply but we have been on a course again. We in Statoil boast and brag about openness, compassion and being a caring company, and this year we can proudly say our policy extend from the office into most of the car park. We replied again and received: I am out of the office until 28th November on another course.